FUNERALS
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I'm writing this on the first day of spring.
The lilac outside my window is showing signs of emerging buds. It's the
season of life. So I choose to write about funerals?
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I've attended a couple in the last three
weeks. Other than that I've only watched some celebrity funerals on TV. Like
I got up before dawn to see the Pope Paul funeral.
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It's not like I really like funerals.
Goodness knows that I've done hundreds. From my view they are a lot of work.
It was rare to spend less than 8 hours preparing for a funeral or memorial
service. And the whole event was always draining. After a funeral I always
felt a need to take the rest of the day off.
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The funerals I'm thinking of, including
the last memorial service I did, were all quite different. From specifically
religious to religion neutral. From very formal and liturgical, to quite
informal. Unlike some traditions that hardly name the deceased in the service,
all these were quite focused on the deceased.
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In the Rosa Parks and Coretta King
funerals there was the vibrant, spirited, triumphant black American style.
If you weren't familiar with that style it might seem out of place. Rush
Limbaugh and other talk hosts criticized the King service in particular for
being a “diatribe.” The speakers repeatedly lifted up the themes and causes
of Coretta King's life, equality, freedom and justice for the poor, as well
as the oppression that still exists in society and government policy toward
marginalized people. Those kinds of churches expect their preachers to show
some “soul” when addressing these issues. What would seem inappropriate in
many situations was true to the tradition and faith and life of Coretta King.
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Celebrities, like Ronald Reagan and
Pope Paul and Coretta King often orchestrate their own funerals. In each
of those funerals you heard the particular values of the individual raised
up by the various speakers. I suppose it would seem like “diatribe” if you
did not share the values of the person, or were expecting a quieter and
more somber approach. A number of services I've done were for people who
told me what they wanted or did not want said or done in their service.
At that point I didn't really care whether the congregation approved of
it or not.
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One Baptist service we attended not
long ago went on and on, with one preacher speaking four times in the service,
all in praise of a man he had known for only four months. We were all glad
he hadn't known him for four years! His speculations and tributes were a
bit much. “Diatribe” might have been an appropriate word, but for that congregation
and that family it was appropriate.
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We were in LaGrande for what we in
the trade call a “mid-west” traditional funeral. It was perfectly fitting
for our friend, Maxine, and her family and friends in that church. Quiet
and dignified, which is what was wanted.
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Here in Corvallis, this past Sunday,
we helped fill the Unitarian Church for a memorial to Charles Ross, Nancy
Hathaway's dad, and Sean's granddad. It was a simple service with some classical
piano music for meditation plus a series of well prepared speakers, including
Nancy and Sean. It reflected Charlie's wit and kindness and character as
well as his personal achievements and passions. There are those who don't
like to hear about green belts and conservation and environmentalism and forest
management. But these were Charlie's passions which I don't think a single
speaker avoided. Rush would label these folks “enviro-whacko’s” and their
use of a memorial service to speak of these things as a “diatribe.” Well,
if you knew Charlie and what he did with his own life and wealth, you would
know that his Memorial represented the values that he and Elsie had given
their lives for. He kept at it into his 98th year.
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After the service I went outside and
found a place where I could look up at what is known locally as “I-V Hill,”
but now officially known as Chip Ross Park in memory of Charlie and Elise's
son, Chip. I first met Charlie and Elsie when I had a part in the dedication
of that beautiful spot. Developers had their eye on that hill which overlooked
Corvallis, as they had eyes on all the green hills around. Charlie beat
the developers to that hill and bought it for the city. Through the Green
Belt Land Trust he founded, other such properties surrounding Corvallis have
been purchased. Developers resent Greenbelters. Well, through his memorial
service Charlie had one more chance to plead his case
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Funerals and Memorial Services are
places where that happens sometimes. I could write another page full of different
causes promoted. Some were declared less fervently than others. Some even
choose not to have any personal cause declared. But if you've lived a life
of passion you may not want to go gently into the grave. After all, it's
your funeral.
─ Art Morgan, First Day of Spring, 2006
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