|
I had three weddings which I planned to do this summer. In each case the dates were a bit uncertain when we came to the Sound. As it turned out I didn't do any of the three weddings. They didn't happen. I ended up attending two entirely different weddings. |
| I really don't mind not doing weddings. The ones I attended were nice events (both performed by women clergy). I don't attend many weddings in which I don't participate. It's quite a relief not to have the responsibility for planning and doing. Even after all these years, it's an anxiety-producing job. |
| However, when intended weddings don't happen, I wonder. |
| Of course, most people don't seem to need weddings in order to live together. I think most really intend to get married. It just gets put off. I wonder whether the putting off is a signal that the intention is in question. One wedding that didn't happen had been scheduled all the way to hiring the chapel, caterer, wedding hostess and photographer. But in the end the groom-to-be couldn't do it. This final postponement was the reality moment that brought a long-term relationship to the end. |
| With regard to the other two non-weddings, I also wonder. I wonder whether the parties involved are ready for the big commitment to each other. Not that it takes a wedding. We had good friends here this summer who have been "domestic partners" for 20 years, who seem to have no intention (or need) of getting married. They are clearly a committed couple, more married than many we know. |
| I also wonder when two people decide they want to lock in their togetherness with a wedding ceremony. All too often a wedding proves to be the beginning of a long downward spiral in what was once a pretty good relationship. I always ask, why would you want to change your relationship by getting married? |
| Someone called asking me to do a "spiritual wedding." They didn't want a legal wedding for some business reason. However, they wanted to ceremonialize their relationship without license from the state. I would rather spiritualize a relationship than legalize it. I often question whether clergy should be in the legalization business anyway. We function as agents for the state. Let clergy, or others, assist with spiritual or celebrative moments in acknowledgment of committed relationships. |
| The need for a secure, bonded relationship between human partners is more than recreational. We are a species that draws health from relationships. Those who try to do life alone are threatening both health and longevity. When relationships break down the disruption to everyone involved is immense. Our society is all too casual about letting go of connections. We move from neighborhoods, away from relatives and friends, away from children and grandchildren without a second thought. We also allow personal primary relationships to fall away like out of style clothing. "For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health…" are empty words. |
| I look forward to celebrations of commitment. I'm sorry for whatever circumstances prevent them from happening. I am not sorry when celebrations without commitment don't happen. I find myself more accepting of commitment without celebration than celebration without commitment. |
| My only regret is missing
out on the party.
-Art Morgan
|